If I Should Die Before I Wake
by etherealloveliness
Summary: R&R! Jasper Whitlock, when he had signed up for the war, never expected anything like this. A story of Jasper's transition from human to vampire. Missing moment, canon one-shot.


Hopefully this summer, I'll be a bit more productive. ;)

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><p>She smelled of mint and vanilla, refreshing and wrapped together in a sweet bundle of scents. Her rosebud lips lingered on my neck, indecisive, and I longed to press my mouth to hers, but something about her enrapturing beauty kept me at bay.<p>

The woman-whom the others called Maria-weaved her pale, nimble fingers through my golden hair, before tugging on it, bringing my head down lower so she could whisper more confusing words against my throat. I hardly knew what she meant when she murmured, "I truly hope you survive, Jasper. I have a good feeling about you." Her voice had lilted gently, sounding like the subtle fluttering of a butterfly's delicate wings.

Except Maria didn't say anything this time. She sunk her teeth into my tender flesh.

I shrieked in hurt and shock, thrashing under the ethereal lady's tight grip. An ecstatic moan emanated from her. What kind of demonic monster was she? Taking pleasure in another's misfortune hardly seemed like a delightful pastime.

Without thinking, simply going by pure instinct, I curled up my fist and punched her gut. Pain exploded in my hand in wraithlike reds and blacks. I subconsciously ruled out my previous theory that she was a ghost, since my arm failed to travel harmlessly through her.

I had been raised by my parents to be a strong boy. I had survived the war up until this point; in fact, so tactful was I with my sly, strategic words that I had been promoted to major. Now here I was, clutching broken bones and practically wailing in agony. Worse still, a female had done this to me, and she was slowly killing me, too. The clarity of the world-the moon casting a watery reflection of itself in black waters of a lake, the dirt roads with travel etched upon them, the starless heavens above me-was gradually fading to a hazy memory.

In fact, I was too far gone to notice when Maria quietly slipped away from my body, letting go of me and allowing my limp self to thud to the ground. My eyelids were heavy and I was ready to fall asleep with the humid, Texan zephyr floating around me. I was transforming into nothing more than the past's secrets.

I didn't notice when the wind started to lack a temperature, nor did I notice when my body started to lightly tingle, warmth traveling up my spine and sneaking to my fingertips and toes. I vaguely registered a woman purring, "I'll be here when you awaken. This might hurt a bit." Enough with the strange words that were indecipherable!

But as she ended her warning, flames burst out from nowhere, raging up and down. A strangled cry got caught in my throat when I began to thrash on the ground. "Please make it stop!" someone pleaded. My fingers curled into cat's claws. Soil built up beneath my fingernails as I scraped the ground, perhaps to transfer the awful inferno from me to the earth. I had no logic in this situation.

"It doesn't help," a girl advised, picking up my surely-burnt almost-carcass and placing in delicately in her lap, cradling my head in the crook of her elbow.

Flames increased their heat tenfold and I yelled out, "Kill me; end it!" Nothing else mattered in the world. If God could grant me my one wish, to tear away my humanity, then I would gladly go to Hell, if only to have the torture cease. Satan's kingdom had to be better than this. At least, this was my reasoning.

But He didn't chase away the abstract wildfire, surging in unexpected places. He did nothing.

I recalled a line of my childhood prayer: _If I should die before I wake..._ Oh please, let that be the case.

I had reached the end of Earth, it seemed. All I could see was a fiery horizon and I hardly remembered what was behind me. A feline face was the only change in scenery; it was a flashback my mind had conjured. Ebony hair framed pale features-heart-shaped lips, carnelian eyes, a tiny nose that inhaled several times-leered at me while laughing in a musical tone. The tune glittered like celestial bodies and long-forgotten sunshine.

I tried to fill the time with inconsequential things, such as remembering my sister's fourteenth birthday. She was ecstatic when she received a new church dress. It was plum silk that glided and rippled in some semblance to cascading water when fitted properly. When she tried it on, the garment flowed across her adolescent body and came to a fluid halt at her feet. She told me she felt like an adult at last. She told me she felt like myself.

It was one of the best moments that I had experienced, witnessing my sister that joyful, like spring's petals swirling in golden light, and now I could hardly see the scene in my head. Even when I remembered idiotic things, such as the way it twirled when she changed direction, every inch of me still smoldered blindingly bright and I had to bite down on my lip to keep from screaming. She had hoped that she would grow up to be like me. _I_ hoped that that would never be the case.

It wasn't helpful that I forgot my own name. The rest of my recollections didn't do anything to extinguish the blaze, either, especially when I couldn't think with the awful firestorm crackling around my make-believe pyre.

My family, the most important thing in my life, was fading to nothing as I did.

I tried to maintain some sense as to when the sun dipped behind the harsh, rocky landscape and when the efflorescent moon weaved up between twinkling stars to stand in the wide, open sky. It was impossible when time escaped me and left me with an empty head longing for a cool night.

Somewhere in the precarious balance between living and dying, the fire flickered out, the only sign it was ever there my buried memories that I didn't care to think about.

I lay there, saying nothing while my mind was bustling with activity. Where had this mystifying pain come from? Why did I feel a feral glee that came from nowhere? And _why_ was my throat prickling?

A high-pitched giggle came from my left. Opening my eyes, a woman came into view. I recognized this woman from veiled fantasies I had once upon a time. _Maria_. Except now she was impossibly more beautiful, with snowy skin and an angel's face. She looked up at me from beneath inky eyelashes.

"Jasper," she cooed. Hair like midnight fell around her shoulders as she leaned in. "I'm so happy to see you again." A concentrated look befell her. "Now, Mr. Whitlock, will you please hunt with me?" Hunt? Ladies didn't hunt. It was a gentleman's sport. But she didn't give me time to answer. Slipping her hand elegantly into mine, Maria pulled me southwest. "Let's run."

She didn't wait for a response. Like a flash of lightning, she shot away from me, churning up sand behind her. "Come!" she demanded cheerfully. "You must be thirsty. I'm surprised you've lasted this long." More convoluted words. Yet as soon as "thirsty" slipped out of her mouth, the annoying itching sensation started to heat up. I swallowed awkwardly as I shifted my weight from one foot to another.

"Come!" Maria repeated, more forcefully this time. "You must be dying. I know where we can quench your thirst."

I followed without hesitation.

As we neared a city, Maria gave me instructions. "It will be hard, but _try_ not to attack too soon." She grimaced prettily, twisting her rose-colored lips into a frown. "It would save me some work." I was past the point of trying to decode her sentences. I opened my mouth to simply ask why it would be helpful to her if I did not "attack", when a few people strayed near us.

My mouth cavity filled up with saliva. Faintly, I heard Maria say, "Perfect. Some stragglers." My irritated throat transitioned into a conflagration, scorching every inch as I breathed in the smell of grapes, viscous honey, and magnolias. Without fully realizing it, my muscles tensed, and I lunged, so lithely that it must have resembled a practiced ballet sequence, the dancer twirling and lunging into difficult positions with ease. I pushed down the fear rising in my chest as I grabbed a young man and instinctually bit down on the large vein in his neck.

Warmth. Everywhere there was warmth, not like the misery of the fire, rather, a wondrous glowing inside of me, radiating outwards from my heart. I was floating on whimsical clouds, gulping in this ambrosia, this drink for the prestigious. Nothing this good could have been meant for me, but I couldn't bring myself to stop. Ever. I could do this forever.

The last drop percolated out.

I reached to the side, like Michelangelo's divine Adam, but only to grab a lady, her pulse loudly beating in my ears. At this point I realized that I was killing, that I was losing my chance to join the pure souls up with God. Even with this thought ingrained deep in my blood-tinged thoughts, I had no control when my teeth closed around her neck. Her consternation enveloped me sickeningly.

I wept as I drank.

After I had finished, Maria swept me into her arms, planting kisses on my face, running her glass fingers along my back in a soothing gesture. "Jasper," she crooned, nuzzling into my neck."Jasper, Jasper, Jasper. You are no more a monster than I am, my precious, and I hate to say that God has not given me eternity in the way I once wanted. You see," Maria breathed, "we are the immortal, the things spun of nightmares that fight for a place to live in a cold and barren land where He is unforgiving. Come with me, and I will gladly show you a new life where _I_ will embrace you wholeheartedly, a place where you will never, ever be alone. It may be tough, but you're a soldier. Your soul is icy and serves justice where justice is due. My darling, you have rights. Follow," she urged in the gentle lull after my sobs had ceased.

It was better than water on a blazing day. It made me greedily swallow this sinful nectar that the Devil tempted me with. I was so ashamed that I could not resist the siren call, the magnetic lure it held for me. What kind of hellish demon was I, taking pleasure in murdering innocents? It was so much easier when I was fighting in battle, when I could shamelessly slaughter, because it was the Yankees that were encroaching on our southern home.

When her carcass collapsed at my feet, I fell to my knees. I began chanting to God. "Heavenly Father, please forgive my heinous crimes and allow me to redeem myself so that I may enter Heaven..." A gentle hand landed on my shoulder.

I got up and brushed the dirt off my tattered pants. "I don't have a chance at redemption?" The thought made me want to moan for my bleak situation.

Maria closed her eyes. "No." She was by my side in an instant. "But come with me, and your dreams will morph into something a little more tangible." Without warning, she leaned in and pressed her lips to mine, molding me into what she wanted. Her mouth was warm and welcoming and promising me that whatever I wanted with her, I could have. I responded eagerly, saying "yes" to the broken life that I had now. Who would ever truly love a monster? I would take what I was offered.

The planets realigned into a sweet, enrapturing love war, because that's what I was destined for.

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><p>AN: Leave a review! :)


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